I’m a weird guy. No sense in denying it. I tend to like things that aren’t exactly normal. For example, I love, love, LOVE Resting Bitch Face! I love it sooo much! Say what you will, but girls with good Resting Bitch Face (RBF) are so hot!! Here are some examples of good RBF:
I really could’ve posted many more examples, but I think you get the point. Anyway, another thing I tend to like that many people find weird, is terrible people. I guess saying I “like” terrible people doesn’t exactly make sense, but I don’t know how else to say it. I’m fascinated by terrible folks. Much in the same way that I enjoy the topic of outer space because I’m so fascinated by it, I think I have to say I enjoy terrible people… because I’m soooo fascinated by them. Which brings us to the topic of this post… Whoville!!
Whoville is a girl I was friends with years ago. I met her at a mutual friends birthday party. She was pretty amazing from the get go. I wish I knew where to start when describing her. She was almost more of a movie character than an actual person. She was an attractive girl. Quite attractive actually. However, not nearly as attractive as she thought she was. She was incredibly full of herself. To the point that you just couldn’t believe it sometimes. She was so full of herself in fact, that it made you almost want to point out her flaws to her just to knock her down a peg, and get her back into reality. If you think I’m kidding, here is one of my favorite things she ever said to me. We were standing in line for the Toy Story ride at California Adventure (part of the Disneyland Resort for those of you not familiar)
Whoville: “Ugh, I really wish I hadn’t worn my glasses today”
Me: “Why not?”
Whoville: “Because it makes it easier to see how much everyone is looking at me!”
Now, I looked around, and trust me when I tell you, NOBODY was looking at her. Don’t get me wrong, I do think Whoville was attractive, and I’ve no doubt a few guys would check her out here and there, but to hear her tell it, everyone in the park was staring at her. She would constantly make comments about how attractive she was. And she wasn’t joking.
Let me describe her physically. Tiny. She was 5’3″. Long blonde hair. Thin. But not fit. There is a difference. She’s one of those people that was just naturally thin, without working out. Yes, they do exist. Gorgeous blue eyes. As I’ve said before, I have a thing for big eyes, and she definitely had them. They were a piercing blue! I found her attractive, but if she’d had dark hair, I would’ve been way into her physically. Again, dark hair, fair skin and big eyes. I’m a total sucker for it every time. I think her blonde hair took away from her eyes. Just personal preference. Even though I’m not a boob guy myself, Whoville had a very ample bosom. All of my male friends that met her, and even many of the females, had to comment on them.
So ya, Whoville was definitely attractive. However, there were some things that were a major turn off… at least for me. And again, I’m only pointing them out because she was SOOO full of herself, that it made you just want to point them all out. She had big feet. Like, BIG! And not cute. I’ve known short girls with big feet, and it’s fine. But Whoville’s were just odd looking! BTW, I know this sounds like I have a foot fetish. I don’t. I just do appreciate when a girl takes care of her feet. I think that says a lot. Like, if you’re gonna wear open toed shoes, you wanna make sure things are taken care of down there. I’m not saying Whoville didn’t take care of hers, but they were just so odd looking! You couldn’t help but notice them! It was like a hobbit trying to wear nice heels. It didn’t work!
Also, she had monstrously large hands. Enormous!! This is so crude, and I apologize in advance, but as attractive as I thought she was, I always hoped we’d never get into a situation where she’d offer to give me a handjob (again, sorry! I know this is gross, but I’m just trying to be as honest as possible about what goes thru my mind!)
As a guy, it’s hard to turn down a handjob from an attractive woman… on the other hand (pun somewhat intended) I think seeing my boy parts in her massive hands might ruin my ego for life! That’s pretty bad when you’re an attractive girl, and your hands are so huge, that guys are questioning whether they’d accept a handjob that hasn’t even been offered.
The biggest flaw (for lack of a better word) that Whoville had (aside from her massive ego and lousy personality) was actually her face. She was attractive, and could definitely photograph well at the right angles. But from her eyes down, it wasn’t all that great. It wasn’t bad, but nowhere near good enough for her to brag about herself the way she would. Her face was kinda long.. and somewhat horsey. Like, when she would drink from a straw, you thought for a moment you were watching the Kentucky Derby! Super horselike! Also, her nose. It pointed up. Like way up. Really high! The inside of her nostrils were always on display. Hence where she got the nickname. Actually, a friend of mine who really didn’t like her came up with it. I can’t take credit for it. She said “How can you hang out with that Who from Whoville!?” It stuck ever since. Here’s what it kind of looked like…
Sorry for such a long setup! Here’s the actual story. I had a job at the time that was kicking my ass, and I decided that I needed a nice 3 day trip to Disneyland. At the time, they had the California Food and Wine Festival going on. Sooo fun! Unfortunately, none of my friends that I wanted to go with could get the time off. Also, I’d recently had a falling out with the person I would normally take such trips with (still one of my biggest regrets in life.. I’ll share more another time) so I was getting desperate. Whoville and I would go to Disneyland from time to time, and I was really desperate, so I finally decided to ask her to join me. To her credit, she was helpful in finding me a good hotel to stay at (At the time, I couldn’t afford to stay at The Grand Californian, so I needed alternatives) and, she was on top of all the events going on, and found a good wine tasting event for us to attend. It was pricey, but it was one of the better events of the weekend.
The drive to Disneyland was actually really nice. I hadn’t seen her in a while, and she was being kinda pleasant. It was nice catching up. It was weird though, because she was talking about sex a lot. We’d been friends for a while, but she wasn’t one of those friends that I’d talk about sex with. It was fine, but it was just unexpected.
We went to have lunch before checking into the hotel, and as we were having lunch, again, she just kept carrying on about sex. How it had been a while since she’d had it, and how much she wanted it. Then she asked me about the waiter and what I thought. I told her I didn’t think he was particularly good looking… and more importantly, he was a lousy waiter. I also told her if she was considering hooking up with him, she was not about to use the room I paid for. She was more than welcome to do what she wanted, just not in my room! I ain’t sleeping on sticky sheets just cuz she needs to get some (ok… gross… but funny!) She decided to leave her phone # on the receipt when we paid.
He never called.
So, we check into the room, and it was really cute. It was a tiny property walking distance to Disneyland. I liked it. We put our stuff in the room, and I was ready to race off to the parks. Not Whoville though. Nope. She decided we needed to go lay out at the pool first. Unfortunately, I’d never considered the pool! I didn’t have trunks or anything even remotely pool related. I just thought we’d be at the parks, and getting our wine on. She was pretty insistent, so I guess we were going to the pool. She was changing into her bikini in the bathroom, and before she came out, she had an announcement.
Whoville: “Ok, before I come out, I just have to warn you… I look REALLY hot!”
She then came out. And yes, she looked hot. She had a good body for a bikini. But, who the hell says that?? I mean, I could see some of my friends saying that to me, but there would be some playful kidding quality to it. Not Whoville. She was dead serious. In her mind, she looked so hot, she needed me to be prepared for it! And yes, she looked hot… but damn, I made the mistake of looking her up and down… and as I looked down, I got a look at them hobbit feet! YIKES!
So, now we’re laying out by the pool. I felt ridiculous. I’m in a polo shirt and jeans. I didn’t even have shorts (another weird thing about me… I don’t wear shorts in public. I just think it’s weird. Stop judging me) It was pretty boring. She was laying out and filling out postcards to send people. So, I decided since I was bored, I’d be a jerk. I decided to make my coworkers mad. They were all back at work (it was our busiest time of year) and I thought it would be fun to text pics of myself lounging by the pool while they were busting their asses. How I still have friends, I’ll never know!
As I’m taking pics of myself, Whoville heard the click of the camera…
Whoville: (Smiling as she says it) “OMG. Are you taking pictures of me in my bikini?”
Me: “What?? Nope, I’m taking pictures of me!!
Whoville: “Oh… well, if you wanna take pictures of me, it’s ok”
Me: “Nah, I’m fine”
Whoville: “I’m just saying, if you wanted to take pics of me, I wouldn’t mind. I’d be ok with it”
Me: “Ok… do YOU want me to take pictures of you??”
Whoville: “I’m just saying, if you want to, it’s totally ok”
Me: “Alright, it’s pretty clear you want me to take pictures of you. So, do you wanna take em here, or do you wanna get in the pool?”
Whoville: “OMG, I can’t believe you’re gonna take pics of me in my bikini!”
Don’t get me wrong, as long as I avoided looking down at those boats she called feet, Whoville DID look hot in her bikini. Like I said earlier, she had an ample bosom (Sorry, I just love the word bosom… or bosoms! Makes me laugh every time) The girls looked great in a bikini top. But, despite her being attractive, I never looked at her in that way. I really did just hang around with her because I was kind of fascinated by her, and how incredible she thought she was. Does that make me a shitty person? Probably. But I’m being honest. And, the fact that she was kind of trying to make it seem like I somehow wanted her bothered me. Because I’d seen guys that did want her, and how she got off on that attention. I didn’t want her, and I didn’t want to give her the satisfaction of thinking I was one of those guys.
So, for the next half hour, I took pics of her out by the pool. It was actually a lot of fun. She’d pose any way I asked her to. It was kinda cool. Some of the poses were pretty hot, and maybe not great for a family hotel. LoL. But we laughed a lot. I got past the fact that I was giving her exactly what she wanted, and I just enjoyed the moment. We laughed a lot, and it was great! It was thinking that instead of being at work, I was taking pics of a hot chic in a bikini, just a few steps away from Disneyland. Not too shabby.
We decided to finally get back to the room and get ready for Disneyland. She showered off since she’d been in the pool, and I decided to shower as well, since I’m a princess and love to feel clean.
When I came out of the shower, she was still laying in bed. She hadn’t gotten ready for the parks. She was just laying in her bathrobe.
Whoville: “Umm… can I ask you something? Did you masturbate while you were in the bathroom?”
Whoville: “Well, you were taking pictures of me in my bikini, and I looked really hot”
Me: “Ya, you mean when you practically ASKED me to take pictures of you??”
Whoville: “Can I ask you something else? Did you bring condoms?”
This question annoyed the hell out of me.
- It annoyed me because I’m a single guy, and I ALWAYS try to have condoms on me. Call me crazy, but I believe in safe sex, and I won’t have sex without a condom.
- It annoyed me because she KNOWS I always have condoms on me. We’d talked about it before. I was in a situation where the opportunity for sex came up, and I didn’t have protection, so I had to turn it down. It sucked!! Since then, I always have some on me, just in case.
Me: “You know I always have condoms on me. So no, I didn’t bring them hoping to make something go down.”
Whoville: “Ok, well, since you have condoms, would it be ok if we had sex?
Me: “You mean… like you and me?”
Whoville: “Ya. Would that be weird because we’re friends? I know you’ve slept with friends before”
I was in a bit of a dilemma here. For starters, I didn’t see this coming. AT ALL. Maybe that makes me seem dense, but I really just thought she was asking me all these questions to inflate her own ego. Like, she thought she was so hot that I had to masturbate in the shower because I saw her in a bikini. Then, I actually thought she went thru my luggage while I was showering and found condoms, and assumed I was trying to make things happen with her, which probably just fed her massive ego even more. I didn’t at all think that she was asking because she wanted to get down.
The other thing was, I had no time to think about my answer. This came out of nowhere. On the one hand, this was a great opportunity to knock her down a few pegs. Here she’s been going on about how hot she looked in her bikini, even posing for pics… and now she’s offering me easy sex. If I say no, that’ll definitely bring her down to Earth a bit! That would be sooo awesome!
On the other hand… sex! You can see the bind I’m in!!
I thought about it for a bit. I really wanted to say “you know, thanks but no thanks. I just don’t see you that way” That’s such a big mic drop moment!!
I was really considering saying that, but then she did this thing. She was still laying in bed, still in her robe, but she did this thing with her hand. It was so feminine (despite her massive hand) She kind of just ran her hand down the opening of her robe. She didn’t open the robe or anything. It was just so feminine and sexy.
So ya, I decided sex wins.
I won’t bore you with the details. If you’re curious, send me an email =)
I will say, her breast were pretty magnificent. To this day, they’re the most amazing I’ve ever seen. I can see why so many guys are boob guys. Again, I’m not a boob guy, but these were masterpieces (sorry if that’s crude, or too guyish)
Ok, so, we’re done with that. We get dressed and head out to the parks. I was a little afraid that maybe it would make things weird, but not at all. We were actually having a great time at the parks. However, at one point she decided to bring it up.
Whoville: “You know, you’re pretty lucky”
Whoville: “Because You’re only the 10th guy I’ve ever slept with. Do you know how many guys wanna sleep with me?? You’re lucky”
Me: “I guess I don’t get why that makes me lucky. I mean, if it’s something that I’d been trying to do, then ya, I’d get why you’d say that. But if you remember, YOU asked ME if we could have sex. So, wouldn’t it be you that’s lucky that I said yes?”
Whoville: “Look, lots of guys wanna sleep with me. I’m just telling you you’re pretty lucky”
I could’ve gone on and turned this into an argument, but I’d made my point. I’d be damned if I was about to let her feel like she’d done me some sort of favor. I made sure to remind her it was her who asked me.
Don’t get me wrong, I actually DO feel lucky anytime a woman allows me to sleep with her. Even if it’s just a casual hookup. I don’t wanna get too deep, or sensitive on this subject, but if a girl is willing to give herself to you, ya, you’re lucky.
That’s how our first day there went. I was really excited for the next day. That evening, we had the wine event we’d registered for. It was on the pricey, but it was all you could drink, and being the classy individual that I am, I was gonna get my money’s worth!
At that point, I had no wine knowledge at all. In fact, I’d only recently started drinking wine. And I could only handle whites… I couldn’t handle reds back then (I’ve gotten past that thankfully)
There were only a few places to sit, and aside from that, they had some really tall tables you could stand at. There weren’t enough tables for everyone, so you had to share. I’m wondering if that was done on purpose to get people to mingle. Either way, we ended up sharing a table with a nice couple. They were newly engaged. It was dreadfully awkward at first. But luckily, Whoville took over. And I gotta say, she was in rare form. Whoville had this belief that people were crazy about her. She felt that by talking to someone, she was making their day. She used to tell me that she liked when she was in touristy parts of Hollywood, because she would approach people taking pictures of things, and ask if they wanted her to take a picture of them together. She said that she was giving them a good story for when they got home because they would probably all assume she was an actress, or famous, and that it would really make their trip.
Can you guys start to understand why I was so fascinated with her?? She made comments like this ALL THE TIME. I’ve suffered from low self esteem for a long time, and at times wish I was much more confident. But I don’t know that I would ever want her confidence. Because she borders on delusion!
It was so much fun watching her interact with them. She’d ask them a question, but it was very obvious that she was only asking them, so that they’d ask the same question of her once they’d answered. Add to that, the fact the wine was starting to hit her, and she was golden! I could list everything she said, but this post would take 5 days to write.
My favorite though, was when they asked her what she did. She told them she was a sign language interpreter, and an actress. I’m always fascinated by this. Can you call yourself an actress if you don’t, y’know… act?? Having headshots doesn’t make you an actress!
I digress. They ask her what she prefers.
Whoville: “I’d definitely have to say I prefer being an actress.”
Nice Couple: “Oh, why is that?”
Whoville: “Well, there is so much I have to deal with being a sign language interpreter. Like, when I’m tutoring a student, they are always so shocked to see me. Because, y’know, most sign language interpreters are ugly old ladys, and then I show up, and y’know, I’m really pretty! They are always like
‘YOU”RE my tutor?? But you’re so pretty?!’
You know, I have to deal with those things!
Nice Couple: …………….
It was amazing. She said those words. In front of people.
“Most sign language interpreters are ugly old ladys, and then I show up, and y’know, I’m really pretty!”
Whoville stepped away to get more wine and cheese, and the female in the couple just looked at me and said “She’s interesting…. ”
Me: “She’s insane!!! You guys, you don’t have to hold back, she’s not my girlfriend. You won’t be offending me. What you’re seeing, is exactly why I hang out with her. She’s amazing. She just told you that people are shocked by how pretty she is, and she doesn’t see why that’s weird. I love her.”
The nice couple just laughed. Am I horrible for talking about her behind her back to these strangers we’d just met? Absolutely. Should I have told them that we had sex and she proceeded to tell me how lucky I was? Hell yes I should’ve. But I didn’t.
It took Whoville a while to come back. It seems she started talking to the guy that was running the event.
Whoville: “I was talking to the guy running this thing. He was really nice. I finally left though because I could tell he only wanted to talk to me, but I wanted everyone else to have a chance to talk to him too”
As we were leaving the event, she wondered how many people the nice couple would tell that they got to hang out with an actress.
That’s who Whoville was. More confidence than I’ve ever seen in anyone. But, in my opinion, that confidence bordered on delusion. It was fascinating to see. Anywhere she went, she really felt all eyes were on her. When she spoke, she thought everyone around her would get quiet trying to hear what she had to say. And she always felt that when she talked to a stranger, she’s made their day, and that they would be so excited to tell others about their encounter with her. Without question, one of the most fascinating individuals I’d ever met.
We eventually had a falling out. There was only so much I could take. I’d be lying if I said I didn’t miss her sometimes. Because I do. She was unique, and fascinating… and I wonder how many more stories I’d have if we’d stayed friends. I also do wonder sometimes if it’s better to be insecure and have low self esteem, or be more like Whoville?
Hope you enjoyed this one friends. As always, thanks for reading. Questions, comments, concerns always welcome.
Actually, I recently found out I lost a Facebook friend because of this blog. She said she didn’t think it was right that I was posting these dates without the permission of the girls I’m on these dates with. I did my best to assure her that I keep things anonymous, but she still thought it was really awful. If any of you have similar concerns, I’d love to hear about them.
With that, I bid you all a good night!